This will be a year of change. All for the best I’m hoping. There are never any garanties in life so I can’t be totally sure but I’m betting on myself that the changes and the pain will be worth it. 

I started this writing journey about 2 years ago now. When I did, I wasn’t expecting what would happen in my life. It’s a curious thing to discover that you have lived your whole life mostly unaware of yourself, your needs and your patterns. To wake-up in your thirties realizing that you have spent most of your life dissociating from it. That you never truly healed from your past but just focused on moving forward. That you never truly took care of yourself emotionally but focused on other people instead. 

This last year has brought a lot of chaos, pain and heartbreak but it has also been beautiful in many ways. This year has helped me choose new mantras for my life moving forward and I’m going to share them with you because I know so many of you will relate. 

Respecting and honoring myself before others. 

How many times have I been forcing myself into a situation that drained me out of obligation, politeness or guilt. I’m sure you’ve also been in situations or with people that simply drain you but you feel obligated to go or feel guilty so you force yourself even though this drains your energy and your mood. 

While some situations seem unavoidable, most of them aren’t. It simply comes from this pressure that has been imposed upon us. The things we are supposed to do or say for people. What if some things have always been pressured onto you but have never been a goal of yours, never been that important to you? Should you keep obeying that pressure? Should you keep doing the “right thing” for people or should you choose to do what feels right for you?

I’ve always been uncomfortable setting boundaries. I’m sure you can relate. Saying no can feel quite uncomfortable at times. But no is a full sentence. You don’t need an excuse to avoid something that drains you. We’re adults after all. You’re not in trouble anymore. You don’t owe anyone an explanation but you can give one and set a boundary. It feels freeing when you realize you can simply say no, without guilt, because you know it’s what’s best for you. 

Being hated and loved for being my authentic self. 

Being liked! Yeah you heard me. I don’t want to try to be likeable anymore. I’m done performing. I’m done doing and saying things to make people happy. Being the most reliable person someone knows isn’t a positive thing anymore for me if this means I have to keep self-abandoning to be this reliable.

Waking-up at thirty and realizing you don’t even know yourself and what you want is a special kind of experience. You realize you don’t know what you want in life because you have just followed someone else’s plan. 

My focus now is very much on rediscovering myself, on what I want to do, what I like to do, even if it sounds silly. When I first started writing I felt ashamed of it in a way. It felt silly to tell someone that I liked to write and create stories. That the creative aspect of writing was enjoyable to me. I would keep it to myself mostly because to most people it sounded just like a small hobby I was spending too much time on. 

“Why would you spend so much time doing something that doesn’t bring enough revenue to live from it?” 

We care so much about being liked that we change our behavior and ourselves to be liked. But why do you want to be like for someone you’re not? I’m going to do things my way moving forward. And I don’t know yet what this will look like, but it will feel right to me. It might feel wrong for a lot of people. For some it might feel like I don’t have my priorities set right or that I’m making mistakes, but who cares as long as it feels right to me. 

Acting out of purpose instead of out of fear.

If you have read Brené Brown’s last book Strong ground; you probably know what I’m talking about. We spend most of our life trying to avoid negative outcomes. We are stressed and fearful of the consequences of our actions. We act out of fear mostly and often it leads to overthinking, overwhelmed, and dissociation. I’m done acting out of fear. When you focus too much on something you tend to bring it forward. Which is why so many of your fears can actually come true, because you have seeked them for so long.

I want to live my life out of purpose. Move towards what feels aligned and stop worrying about the things I can’t control. Most of our overthinking comes from a lack of self-trust within our capabilities. 

I choose to trust myself to handle whatever is to come. I have handled it so far, haven’t I? 

You are still here. You have handled it so far, haven’t you? So why would the rest of your life be any different?

I’m choosing to live the rest of my life out of purpose and out of excitement. I want to be excited for what might be coming my way instead of scared of what can happen. Change is always scary and uncomfortable but I’m learning to also be excited about the unknown. 

The truth is I have no idea what the rest of my life might look-like.

Isn’t that exciting?