Am I truly living, or am I just surviving?
It took me years to change my beliefs and to realize I wasn’t healing but simply surviving and disconnecting myself. I was feeling numb inside. I was constantly trying to prove my worth and meet the impossible standard I was imposing on myself. I was functioning, I was showing up, but I wasn’t living my life fully.
This realization brought me to write my new short story, “Journal of An Overachiever: A Story On Self-Love and Unlearning Survival.”
I was used to pushing my body and my mind to their limits. I would accomplish goal after goal, exhausting my body, but never feeling proud or happy about it. I felt obligated to reach these goals; I wasn’t enjoying it, but I had to reach them, otherwise I would feel inadequate. I would feel small. I would feel like I had quit, like I had failed. So, I kept going, asking more and more of myself until I reached the point where I started asking myself why I was even chasing these goals.
Why do I need to push myself that much?
I thought I was proving my worth. I thought I was being strong, but I was simply repeating my old patterns. I was stuck in a cycle that kept me numb, disconnected, and exhausted. I was avoiding the truth. I wasn’t healing. I was still stuck in the past. I was still stuck in my conditioning, stuck with my old beliefs and trauma.
I kept appearing strong on the outside and reaching goals that seemed impressive to others, but I was still feeling small on the inside.
I wasn’t healing because I hadn’t asked myself the real questions. I hadn’t faced the truth. I didn’t want to admit and deal with my insecurities. I wanted to hide them and guard myself. I was afraid of being hurt, afraid of appearing weak, afraid to admit I wasn’t thriving. It was the illusion of strength, and I was great at it.
But I knew I couldn’t continue on this path. I would end up overexerting myself and would get hurt.
It wasn’t a personality trait. I understand that I was in survival mode, and I was disconnected. I was pushing myself so hard because I wasn’t able to love myself. I couldn’t see my worth and forgive myself for my mistakes. I wasn’t giving myself the same grace I would allow others. I needed to stop validating myself by how others perceived me and start showing up for myself.
Healing meant that I had to unlearn all of those beliefs and stop acting like I was fine. Writing this story helped me heal. And if you can relate to this message, I hope it will help you heal as well.
In this story, I have written down how I felt and what helped me heal. My decisions and my actions. This story is funny, but also raw and vulnerable. It’s introspection, it’s questioning, it’s healing. This isn’t a therapy session; it’s a permission to explore your own beliefs and to start your healing journey as well.
Healing isn’t linear. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions. It’s not always pretty; sometimes it’s messy, scary, and deeply personal. But connecting through storytelling is what I think a lot of people need to heal. This is why I’m opening myself up to you with this story.
If you have ever felt numb, lost, disconnected, exhausted, or felt like nothing you were doing was ever good enough. If you felt like you constantly had to prove your worth, then you need to read this story.
No spam. Just real support to help you heal, reset, and feel like yourself again.
